A friend linked me to this post on BuzzFeed: 20 Status Symbols Gen Y Girls Grew Up With
I love when BuzzFeed pulls shit out of thin air that I
blocked out totally forgot about. Like #18, those awful Prada bags that looked like lunchboxes. And of course the American Girl dolls with the matching outfits.
I never had any of that stuff but I totally wanted it. We didn’t have money for things like that, plus I didn’t have any friends to impress so I never really polished my “negotiating with my mom to buy me stupid useless shit” skills until my late teens, at which point I had a job and my pleas for inflatable furniture from the Delia’s catalog fell on deaf ears. Also because I was grown and my ass wouldn’t fit into an inflatable armchair meant for a 12 year old.
Where’s the BuzzFeed list for people like me? I decided to write my own. I hope someone out there can relate.
- You were a Buffy and Joss Whedon super-fan and avoided eye contact with everyone in your age group. Grr. Argh.
- You had a 4ft tall record player/stereo combo in your room where you alternated playing Deftones and Paper Lace. You learned to scratch to Billy Don’t Be a Hero.
- Your favorite member of Hanson was Zack, because the two of you looked exactly alike. And you owned two copies of Tulsa, Tokyo & the Middle of Nowhere just in case you forgot one at your grandparents’ house when they were babysitting you after school, since you weren’t trusted to be home alone until you were 15.
- You were really good at drawing horses. Like, exceptionally good.
- You had a stack of diaries with locks on them in which you detailed the way the sun shined on the back of your crush’s neck who sat in front of you in math class.
- You also used your diaries to draft submissions to CosmoGirl! in the hopes that they would tell you the secret to making your boobs grow, making your crush like you back, and making other girls your age interested in talking about the Carol Burnett show.
- You went vegan for 1 full week when you saved up all your babysitting money and bought enough Tofutti cuties to feed an army.
- Your “dream outfit” was a pair of Dr. Marten’s with red laces, cool Tommy Hilfiger flare leg jeans and a GAP sweatshirt that spelled G-A-P across the front in navy lettering. You got an Old Navy sweatshirt instead.
- Speaking of GAP, your signature scent was Dream and you sprayed it all over your sheets, your clothes and your butterfly clips that held together the oddly criss-crossing twists you attempted to put in your hair to make your messy bun look a little fancy.
- “wispy bangs”
- You wore a silver ballgown with black velvet roses all over it to your uncle’s wedding. You looked so fucking fly that you had the photo of yourself from the wedding taped up in your locker so everyone would know what you looked like when you weren’t wasting your time reading Hatchet with them. (edited: Hatchet was my first “best book I’ve ever read” by the way)
- At sleepovers, you and your friends would go into chat rooms on AOL and Lycos (!) and pretend to be sexy older women with interesting lives. I’m 17 and am captain of my high school soccer team. A/S/L?
- You were appropriately horrified when someone from the chat room would private message you with a picture of their sloppy dick, but disappointed if no one ever did. Was it something I said? Is the picture I stole off the internet not attractive enough for you? A/S/L?? Email my heart, you asshole!
- The first boy that you really-for-real made out with told you mid-kiss that you had a ‘big mouth’. You revenge-slimed him for twenty minutes and stopped just short of hocking a loogie on his face. You are still semi-pleased with yourself for doing this.
- Your health and fitness tips were as follows:
- stop eating so much candy you fat ass!
- take the dog for a walk to the skate park. Run like hell if the boys see you.
- You used ‘stinkin’ as a curse word. As in “This stats homework is so stinkin’ hard!” and “No stinkin’ duh!”. You still got in trouble.
- You had undiagnosed ADD and lost everything, forgot every appointment, were late everywhere you went and almost failed out of school. You were nominated for Most Likely to Be Late to Graduation but forgot about the yearbook photo shoot and they chose someone else.
- You had nearly 40 AIM screen-names, all told, each with some reference to monkeys/Paul Frank clothing, and Josh Hartnett. MORE LIKE JOSH HOTT-NET AMIRITE?!
- Your 10th grade English class had a poetry slam, for which you wrote a 3 page performance piece about date rape. Everyone else rhymed ‘love’ with ‘above’ and looked at you just like you were some weird girl that doesn’t talk to anyone and just stares at you in study hall and writes poems about rape. Which, I mean, I guess is accurate. Whatever.
- Your sister made her boyfriend take you to prom since no one else would. He had more friends there than you did.